Activist. Vegan. Law Student. Cyclist. Parent.

Uh-Oh

I just had a dream about the exam I took yesterday. It wasn't good.

just when you thought she couldn't get any cuter

amelia's smiling
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

she does.

So. Freaking. Cute.

Multimedia message
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

That's all. (Click the picture for a larger version and to see more at my flickr site.)

Text Message - 6:50 pm

SHE's PLAYInG WITH A TOY! IN HER HANDS!! Putting it in her mouth and everything!!

Porter

We've been talking every now and then about how much fun it's going to be with Amelia growing up with Porter around. He's such a sweet dog and we tried really hard to make sure he didn't feel left out when she arrived. Every now and then we'll let him smell her and bring her really close to him and he's always really cute about it. The other day Laura said she left Amelia upstairs with our housemates so she could get some stuff done around the house. Amelia, of course, was crying about being left with strangers and Porter started freaking out. He was pacing around the house trying to get Laura to go upstairs to check on her. Then at one point, before they were able to calm her down she let out a pretty good scream. Porter freaked out. He went running upstairs, to check on her. Once he realized our housemates were taking care of her, he came down and settled down, but he just didn't react well to her crying without Laura or me being there.

It's refreshing to know that he'll always be there to keep an eye on her. He's a big sweetheart, but he can be scary too.

Longevity

The worst part of Bush's legacy will be his appointments to the Supreme Court.

The best part?

"Internets" has, I believe, reached common usage in the vernacular.

Having the courage of your convictions. . .

I read in the paper today a story about a man who confessed, in Texas, to a murder he committed many years before when he was living here in Oregon. It was an interesting case, but nothing too spectacular except that he confessed in Richardson, Texas, where I used to live.

It didn't cross my mind again until I came home and opened my email to see this:

greetings fabulous legal activists,

i don't mean to bug u, but do u know of anyone who might be able to help this guy? his name is david lee patterson, and he killed a close friend of mine some years ago, and apparently just turned himself in down in texas. he's waived extradition and should be back in pdx shortly. he's lived on the streets for most of his life, and likely can't afford good legal help. i would really like to see him get the representation he deserves. i think the person he killed would want that too. here's the story.

http://portland.indymedia.org/en/2008/03/373931.shtml

lemme know if u know of anyone who can help. it may be that he will find his own legal assistance, but in case not, i thought it would be good to see what i could do.

This, to me takes tremendous courage and strength to be able to set aside whatever feelings you may be having in order to extend a hand to help--because it's the right thing to do. I am awestruck by the self-less nature of the request and hope beyond hope that if I am ever called upon to make a difficult decision such as this, that I would have the wherewithal and character to choose as wisely as this person has.

First Day of Spring

springtime
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

Tomorrow is officially the first day of spring. Here in Portland the plum trees and cherry blossoms are all over the place. And as much as I hate being thrown off by Daylight Savings, it's great to have so much daylight in the evening.

I was walking home from the bus stop yesterday, and the sun is still above the west hills and I was walking under one of the plum trees and was just overcome by how fortunate I am. Granted, as usual, I don't have any money and our living situation could be better, and finals and the bar exam are lurking around the corner to make the next few months a nightmare. But otherwise, I have a job that I truly enjoy, a partner who is caring and understanding, a beautiful baby girl who is healthy and growing, and a dog and cat who are both happy to see me when I get home. There never seems to be enough time to get anything--let alone everything--done and I'm constantly running from one place to the next, but for right now, I think it's great.

Teeny

mimi.jpg
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

Even as she gets bigger and bigger, I cannot get over just how small she is. Looking at this picture I am floored by how miniature she is, and how good she's getting at holding her head up.

Doctor's Appointment

I have health insurance through the school.

Laura, and Amelia have insurance through the state of Oregon.

We spent the better part of our morning today trying to find a doctor who would accept the state's health plan. This is simply one more reason we've got to re-evaluate and reform the healthcare* system. Two reasonably intelligent adults cannot navigate the bureaucratic mess nor can we see the doctor we want to see because we don't have the right insurance. Essentially, low-income people are funneled to a particular subset of doctors who have more incentive to prescribe some medication than to help their patients feel better.

How in the world can conservatives, particularly religious ones, think that it's a bad idea to provide healthcare for everyone? Shouldn't everyone be able to go to the doctor of their choice and get, at the very least, the minimum amount of care? I understand why doctors and insurance companies are against it, but not why the average everyday voter is opposed.

I can only hope that one day this will be remedied. I hope there comes a time when Amelia gets sick and she doesn't have to worry that she can't get the care she needs or wants because she has the wrong insurance or none at all. We were literally turned away by a doctor today because we had the state health insurance.

God bless. America.

*Incidentally, I heard an interview with an etymologist a while back who was discussing the speed with which "health care" became "health-care" and finally "healthcare." Even now, my spellcheck does not give me a red underline for using it as one word. Words, and the way they change and the ways we use them truly fascinate me.

Worries

This morning the three of us were laying in bed, falling in and out of sleep before getting up for the day. I was looking at that little face with those big eyes, and I started to worry. I wondered if I would be treating her differently if she'd been a boy. If she had been born a boy would I be as affectionate, or tell him he was pretty as often as I do? Would I snuggle him as much as I do this little girl? It worries that we are already shaping her understanding of what and who she is expected to be as a girl/woman. I guess it doesn't worry me exactly, but it concerns me in terms of the way I relate to her. Societal gender norms are oppressive enough as it is without my adding to them.

There's no real answer to this problem. Ultimately, I have to keep an eye on how the way I behave, the way that I relate to her, and her mother and all the other women in our lives. I want her to grow up in a world where there's simply no question of a whether a woman can be president, but when it will be.

new camera

new camera
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

Well, the new camera came today. I haven't gotten a chance to figure out all the bells and whistles yet, but suffice it to say, this little girls is so sweet. Look at her little face. Don't you just wanna smoosh her little cheeks?!

Many more to come, some good, mostly not. I'm not quite the photographer that Jason or Heather are. But when your subject is so cute, it doesn't really matter.

Sun is out in Portland

Multimedia message
Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

Today was one of those days in Portland, where the sun comes out and everyone comes out of their houses and goes to the park or rides their bikes or whatever. It was awesome. We took Porter to the dogpark and sat in the sun with Amelia. She was awake for most of it.

We ordered a new camera online last week. It should be here this week, and I'm pretty excited. Be prepared for a steady stream of pictures of this little kidlet. I'm gonna be one of those people, you better believe it.

Amelia's Birth Story

For several days last week Laura wasn't sleeping well. She'd wake up every few hours if she slept at all. It was a combination of being uncomfortable and worry, I think.

Thursday night she went to the chiropractor and got adjusted. It's something she'd been doing every week since about her 7th month and it really helped with her discomfort. So I got up early on Friday as usual to get to work, and she got up with me to have some breakfast. We talked about how we both slept really, really well and how good she felt. I was out the door before 7 and she went back to bed.

I went to work and it started as a normal day.

A little after 9 am, I was standing outside the courtroom going through some client files and about to start looking for my clients when my phone rang. It was Laura.

"Jake, I think my water just broke."

I imagined how I would react to this call a thousand times. I'd say something that would be helpful and encouraging, then drop everything and leave in a rush. In reality, I think I may have said something along the lines of, "fer real?"

I suggested one of us call one of the midwives and we'd go from there. Her phone reception is crappy so I called Debbie, the Apprentice Midwife. She's been at more of our appointments than the others, and when we had a problem a week or so ago, we called her. Debbie has been our first call a lot. She asked a few questions, and I gave her answers that I had--which at the time weren't many. I asked if she could call Laura, and warned her that the call may cut out.

Luckily, one of the other law students working at our firm walked up about this time, so I asked if he could take my cases because I had to leave. I told him Laura's water may have broken and I've got to get home, then asked if he would tell our supervising attorneys. The trip back to the office to pick up my stuff and the bus ride were peppered with these occasional moments of staring into space, smiling lost in this pre-baby fantasies of what the next few days held in store for us.

I got home and Debbie had not made it yet. Laura told me about her morning. Long story short, she had to pee really bad, then suddenly felt like she didn't make it to the bathroom. She said she was feeling a few cramps, but nothing that might be called a contraction.

Debbie showed up a little time later, and determined that it was amniotic fluid. She checked Laura's vitals and the baby's and everything seemed fine. She told us to be patient--they've had mothers go as long as 3 or 4 days after the water broke before going into labor. We asked if we should be keeping track of Laura's contractions and when we should leave for the birthing center. Laura and Debbie discussed the difference between cramps and contractions and it turns out she'd had a least a few contractions, but they were sporadic and infrequent. Then she said to leave when you've had a consistent pattern of intense contractions for at least an hour, so intense that you have no choice but to focus on the pain.

Caryn, Laura's sister, had been calling periodically wanting Laura to hang out. We both decided that we didn't want to tell people yet because we didn't want to worry or excite people if we were still a day away from baby time. That being said, we caved pretty quickly for Caryn and she came right over.

By now it's after 12:00pm. It was an absolutely beautiful day, so the three of us took Porter for a walk and had to walk at a snail's pace for Laura's sake. That pace grew drastically slower over the course of the walk. After a while, Caryn went home and Laura, Porter and I headed home. On our way home we had to stop every 2 minutes for Laura to get through another painful contraction. We got home about 1:00pm.

At home, I ran Laura a warm bath and tried to get things ready for us to leave. After the bath, Laura says simply, "It's time to go."

In a couple of the books we read, the authors all describe this moment, and suggest you pay attention to your wife when she says that. (They use the word "wife.") This is one of many things that I not necessarily doubted, but wondered when the time came, if it would actually happen. It did.

We got (some of, eventually we would realize, not all) our stuff and packed up the truck to leave. Understand, Laura drives a 1971 Ford Bronco. It's a sweet ride. I little impractical for the family, but a lot of fun. Anyway, we got in, start it and let it warm up. I put it into gear and it died. I stepped on the clutch to start it again, and the spring on the clutch broke.

It literally just snapped.

The clutch is dangling from somewhere in the belly of the steel beast, and swinging in the passenger compartment doing nothing.

I called a cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Fine, send someone as soon as you can, please."

I call a second cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Nevermind, thanks."

I call Jason. (Caryn's partner.) 15 minutes. "That'd be great, sorry to pull you out of work. Oh, and could you, uh, you know, hurry."

A few minutes later the cab pulls up. We throw our stuff in the trunk and we're finally on our way. It's almost 2:00pm.

Through all of this Laura is doing really well. She's in pain occasionally, and completely blissed out on hormones in between. She's mostly quiet and doesn't want to be touched and is demanding silence from others (me). She was amazing. Her patience and understanding of the situation was incredible and watching her go through each contraction was awe-inspiring. No pain-coping techniques. No breathing. Just Laura deciding, this is what's going to happen and this is how I'm going to do it. Beautiful.

So on our way to the birthing center I talked to Jason, and apologized for getting him out of work for as of yet, nothing and tried to let the midwives know we were on our way - we hadn't told anyone yet. We arrived at Alma (the birthing center) and a couple on the way out wished us luck as we went in.

Because they didn't know we would be there so soon, the room was not prepared for us. Luckily, no other mothers were giving birth and we were able to get our choice of the three birthing rooms. We chose the Lilli room, one because it's the one on the lower level, but also because it's one of the larger and more comfortable rooms.

Of our three midwives, only Michelle was available to help initially. Debbie was on her way back from a dentist appointment, and Laura would be in later. Once in the birthing room, Laura began to undress and went to the restroom. Michelle and Mira, one of the doulas, began preparing the birthing room, including running the tub. Once out of the restroom, Laura got immediately into the tub before it was half full. It was a little after 2:00pm.

Labor progressed pretty quickly from this point on. At some point Debbie and Laura both came in, so our entire birth team was there. I've never seen Laura be so strong and never question her ability to do that which her body was designed to do. Throughout the process the midwives were respectful of her not wanting to be touched. We were whispering amongst ourselves, and they were writing notes, rather than disturb Laura's concentration or interfere with her desire for no interruptions during each contraction. In our birthing classes, we talked about how there comes a point, usually during "transition," where many (maybe even most) women begin to doubt their ability to go through with it. It's during this time that many women will say, "I can't do it." At no point did Laura say this or show any real doubt that she could. It was a sight to see. There was a moment, when she moaned so loudly and so deeply and I felt her "give" in just the slightest way. I don't know what it was, but I just felt this half second of doubt during her deep moan. Michelle must've sensed it too, because she immediately came to her side and began encouraging Laura in the sweetest way.

Her noises became more primal and were coming from deep within. And finally, it was time to begin pushing. As difficult as it was to see the pain Laura was going through, it wasn't until I saw blood that it started to hit home. I moved from in front of Laura, to behind and to the side of her. I tried talking to her periodically, but again, she still didn't want to hear much. Not long after the pushing began, and the midwives motioned for me to come see the head of the baby coming out.

Even now, I am unable to describe the feeling of seeing this baby's head for the first time. Somewhere in the background I heard one of the midwives say, "full crown." I knew from reading that once the baby's head was out, there might be a rest before the shoulders as the baby turns, so once she reached full crown, I thought there might be a second for her to catch her breath.

There wasn't really time. The very next thing I know, the baby is coming entirely out and Debbie literally caught the baby as it came rushing out. It was 3:19pm.

At this point, the baby is put on Laura's chest and I was amazed by how it looked. They tell you it's going to be weird looking, but again, nothing can truly prepare you for how un-baby the baby looks.
Laura sat in the tub, and the baby almost immediately started crying once she was out of the water. We all sat there, smiling, and looking at each other for a minute or two until finally Laura said, "Okay, I have to know, what are you?" It wasn't until then that we found out she was a girl. Evidently, it is at this moment, the moment of, "you're a girl" which Caryn heard from the next room, that Jason took this picture. It's such a great shot.

The pictures in the Flickr series below will sum up the next hour or so.

After Jason and Caryn left, the three of us stayed at the birthing center. A doula stayed with us and helped Laura, and saw to it that we didn't want for anything. It was amazing. They brought us dinner (and breakfast the next day) from nearby restaurants. She helped with breastfeeding and changing and general advice and information. She brought us drinks and checked on us and the baby every couple of hours, without hovering or being intrusive.

I think most people are curious as to how our experience went with the midwives, the birthing center and having a doula there to support us in the time afterward. Granted, my only experience with a hospital birth was the birth of my sister years ago. I showed up, and my mom was in a room, and my sister had already been born, so that really doesn't count. However, I can say that Amelia never left our room. She was never more than 5 feet from Laura. The midwives did not intervene or, again, touch Laura until after the birth--she barely let them take her temperature. They were completely respectful of our wishes and Laura's desires at the moment. And, again, along the way, each decision was for us to decide. Nothing was left to policy or an insurance company or anyone other than the two of us. I know that there are a million and one reasons to have a birth at a hospital with a doctor and nurses, but for us, we would not have chosen any other way.

It amazes me that this happens so many times a day, all over the world. It was such a feat of strength and determination, the likes of which I doubt I am capable--nor will I ever know because there is nothing comparable.

As many times as I say it, I can't thank the following people enough.
Laura, Debbie, Michelle, Mira and everyone at Alma Birthing Center
Nicole from Moving Through

(If you get here from a google search and are wondering about any of those people or places, please email me, or just know, they're amazing and if you're thinking about using them--DO.)
___________________________________
Thanks to Caryn and Jason for the great pictures (and yes, that is a picture of the placenta).

First Video

Amelia Jane

Amelia Jane
Originally uploaded by eyeliam

Our daughter was born January 25, 2008 at 3:19 pm. She was 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long.

This picture was taken by Caryn less than 30 minutes after she was born.

50 States

In 2m 7s

Click here to Play

Hints: Not case sensitive, and if you get it right, you don't have to hit enter.

Via Jack Bog's Blog.

Food.

I'm reading a Q&A with Michael Pollan, the author of The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food, and I come across his assessment of the problem with cloning animals for food.

I think the bigger concern with cloned animals is not personal health. It’s what will it take to keep a herd of genetically identical chickens, horses or pigs alive? Sex and variation is what keeps us from getting wiped out by microbes. If everything is genetically identical, one disease can come along and wipe out the entire group. You will need so many antibiotics and so much sanitation to keep a herd of these creatures going. The bigger concern should be antibiotic resistance.

I would go further and say that further centralizing our food distribution would also be detrimental.  So many foods come from the same small processing plants, particularly meat, that it's scary and dangerous. For the whole Q&A go here: An Omnivore Defends Real Food (NYT 1/17/2008).

Pollan also boils down eating well to 7 short words:

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Procrastination.

I am still writing a paper for school. Well, at the moment, I'm trying to write a paper. Writing a paper over the break is not fun. However, I start a new job on the 2nd, and I have a new (to me) bike on the very near horizon. And, of course, the baby is due in about a month or so. Due dates are sort of a misnomer. When someone gives you a date, my mind immediately sets that day aside and says, "the baby will be here on this day." But in reality, it's the median for about a 6 week window. I get a little anxious thinking that it's going to be here so soon. Theoretically at least, she could go into labor as soon as mid-January. While it's unlikely to come that soon, it's a possibility.

Okay, I'm going back to the paper. I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year's Eve. Good luck on your resolutions, if you've made any.