If you read through the archives of this blog from back when it first began you'll read my inane musings on lacking direction. I haven't read through them in a while, but if memory serves, there's lots of rambling and posts discussing my ambivalence about life--seeking some direction or purpose.
Granted, I'm not one to believe in a master plan for each one of us, but in general, I've often sought some greater understanding of what service I might be to the greater good. I have been plagued with the feeling that I may fail to do my part.
I've noticed part of the reason I've stopped blogging as often is that I'm not as concerned as I once was, and quite simply, have stopped searching. Over the past year or so I have realized that maybe you don't find your purpose, you create that purpose.
I don't believe I was put on the planet to do anything in particular, but I've come to believe I've created that purpose in a way I didn't think would happen. It seems so simple, but it's an amazing feeling when this little thing responds and communicates and I'm not going through the motions because there is a realization that there's this little person depending on you to take care of her, and teach her, and protect her, and she laughs and she melts your heart.
The other day she had her back to me and I could tell she had something in her hands. I said, "Amelia, what are you eating?" She casually turned and held out a tube of diaper creme that she'd been gnawing on, as if to say, "oh, just this." It was the cutest thing.