For several days last week Laura wasn't sleeping well. She'd wake up every few hours if she slept at all. It was a combination of being uncomfortable and worry, I think.
Thursday night she went to the chiropractor and got adjusted. It's something she'd been doing every week since about her 7th month and it really helped with her discomfort. So I got up early on Friday as usual to get to work, and she got up with me to have some breakfast. We talked about how we both slept really, really well and how good she felt. I was out the door before 7 and she went back to bed.
I went to work and it started as a normal day.
A little after 9 am, I was standing outside the courtroom going through some client files and about to start looking for my clients when my phone rang. It was Laura.
"Jake, I think my water just broke."
I imagined how I would react to this call a thousand times. I'd say something that would be helpful and encouraging, then drop everything and leave in a rush. In reality, I think I may have said something along the lines of, "fer real?"
I suggested one of us call one of the midwives and we'd go from there. Her phone reception is crappy so I called Debbie, the Apprentice Midwife. She's been at more of our appointments than the others, and when we had a problem a week or so ago, we called her. Debbie has been our first call a lot. She asked a few questions, and I gave her answers that I had--which at the time weren't many. I asked if she could call Laura, and warned her that the call may cut out.
Luckily, one of the other law students working at our firm walked up about this time, so I asked if he could take my cases because I had to leave. I told him Laura's water may have broken and I've got to get home, then asked if he would tell our supervising attorneys. The trip back to the office to pick up my stuff and the bus ride were peppered with these occasional moments of staring into space, smiling lost in this pre-baby fantasies of what the next few days held in store for us.
I got home and Debbie had not made it yet. Laura told me about her morning. Long story short, she had to pee really bad, then suddenly felt like she didn't make it to the bathroom. She said she was feeling a few cramps, but nothing that might be called a contraction.
Debbie showed up a little time later, and determined that it was amniotic fluid. She checked Laura's vitals and the baby's and everything seemed fine. She told us to be patient--they've had mothers go as long as 3 or 4 days after the water broke before going into labor. We asked if we should be keeping track of Laura's contractions and when we should leave for the birthing center. Laura and Debbie discussed the difference between cramps and contractions and it turns out she'd had a least a few contractions, but they were sporadic and infrequent. Then she said to leave when you've had a consistent pattern of intense contractions for at least an hour, so intense that you have no choice but to focus on the pain.
Caryn, Laura's sister, had been calling periodically wanting Laura to hang out. We both decided that we didn't want to tell people yet because we didn't want to worry or excite people if we were still a day away from baby time. That being said, we caved pretty quickly for Caryn and she came right over.
By now it's after 12:00pm. It was an absolutely beautiful day, so the three of us took Porter for a walk and had to walk at a snail's pace for Laura's sake. That pace grew drastically slower over the course of the walk. After a while, Caryn went home and Laura, Porter and I headed home. On our way home we had to stop every 2 minutes for Laura to get through another painful contraction. We got home about 1:00pm.
At home, I ran Laura a warm bath and tried to get things ready for us to leave. After the bath, Laura says simply, "It's time to go."
In a couple of the books we read, the authors all describe this moment, and suggest you pay attention to your wife when she says that. (They use the word "wife.") This is one of many things that I not necessarily doubted, but wondered when the time came, if it would actually happen. It did.
We got (some of, eventually we would realize, not all) our stuff and packed up the truck to leave. Understand, Laura drives a 1971 Ford Bronco. It's a sweet ride. I little impractical for the family, but a lot of fun. Anyway, we got in, start it and let it warm up. I put it into gear and it died. I stepped on the clutch to start it again, and the spring on the clutch broke.
It literally just snapped.
The clutch is dangling from somewhere in the belly of the steel beast, and swinging in the passenger compartment doing nothing.
I called a cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Fine, send someone as soon as you can, please."
I call a second cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Nevermind, thanks."
I call Jason. (Caryn's partner.) 15 minutes. "That'd be great, sorry to pull you out of work. Oh, and could you, uh, you know, hurry."
A few minutes later the cab pulls up. We throw our stuff in the trunk and we're finally on our way. It's almost 2:00pm.
Through all of this Laura is doing really well. She's in pain occasionally, and completely blissed out on hormones in between. She's mostly quiet and doesn't want to be touched and is demanding silence from others (me). She was amazing. Her patience and understanding of the situation was incredible and watching her go through each contraction was awe-inspiring. No pain-coping techniques. No breathing. Just Laura deciding, this is what's going to happen and this is how I'm going to do it. Beautiful.
So on our way to the birthing center I talked to Jason, and apologized for getting him out of work for as of yet, nothing and tried to let the midwives know we were on our way - we hadn't told anyone yet. We arrived at Alma (the birthing center) and a couple on the way out wished us luck as we went in.
Because they didn't know we would be there so soon, the room was not prepared for us. Luckily, no other mothers were giving birth and we were able to get our choice of the three birthing rooms. We chose the Lilli room, one because it's the one on the lower level, but also because it's one of the larger and more comfortable rooms.
Of our three midwives, only Michelle was available to help initially. Debbie was on her way back from a dentist appointment, and Laura would be in later. Once in the birthing room, Laura began to undress and went to the restroom. Michelle and Mira, one of the doulas, began preparing the birthing room, including running the tub. Once out of the restroom, Laura got immediately into the tub before it was half full. It was a little after 2:00pm.
Labor progressed pretty quickly from this point on. At some point Debbie and Laura both came in, so our entire birth team was there. I've never seen Laura be so strong and never question her ability to do that which her body was designed to do. Throughout the process the midwives were respectful of her not wanting to be touched. We were whispering amongst ourselves, and they were writing notes, rather than disturb Laura's concentration or interfere with her desire for no interruptions during each contraction. In our birthing classes, we talked about how there comes a point, usually during "transition," where many (maybe even most) women begin to doubt their ability to go through with it. It's during this time that many women will say, "I can't do it." At no point did Laura say this or show any real doubt that she could. It was a sight to see. There was a moment, when she moaned so loudly and so deeply and I felt her "give" in just the slightest way. I don't know what it was, but I just felt this half second of doubt during her deep moan. Michelle must've sensed it too, because she immediately came to her side and began encouraging Laura in the sweetest way.
Her noises became more primal and were coming from deep within. And finally, it was time to begin pushing. As difficult as it was to see the pain Laura was going through, it wasn't until I saw blood that it started to hit home. I moved from in front of Laura, to behind and to the side of her. I tried talking to her periodically, but again, she still didn't want to hear much. Not long after the pushing began, and the midwives motioned for me to come see the head of the baby coming out.
Even now, I am unable to describe the feeling of seeing this baby's head for the first time. Somewhere in the background I heard one of the midwives say, "full crown." I knew from reading that once the baby's head was out, there might be a rest before the shoulders as the baby turns, so once she reached full crown, I thought there might be a second for her to catch her breath.
There wasn't really time. The very next thing I know, the baby is coming entirely out and Debbie literally caught the baby as it came rushing out. It was 3:19pm.
At this point, the baby is put on Laura's chest and I was amazed by how it looked. They tell you it's going to be weird looking, but again, nothing can truly prepare you for how un-baby the baby looks. 
Laura sat in the tub, and the baby almost immediately started crying once she was out of the water. We all sat there, smiling, and looking at each other for a minute or two until finally Laura said, "Okay, I have to know, what are you?" It wasn't until then that we found out she was a girl. Evidently, it is at this moment, the moment of, "you're a girl" which Caryn heard from the next room, that Jason took this picture. It's such a great shot.
The pictures in the Flickr series below will sum up the next hour or so.
After Jason and Caryn left, the three of us stayed at the birthing center. A doula stayed with us and helped Laura, and saw to it that we didn't want for anything. It was amazing. They brought us dinner (and breakfast the next day) from nearby restaurants. She helped with breastfeeding and changing and general advice and information. She brought us drinks and checked on us and the baby every couple of hours, without hovering or being intrusive.
I think most people are curious as to how our experience went with the midwives, the birthing center and having a doula there to support us in the time afterward. Granted, my only experience with a hospital birth was the birth of my sister years ago. I showed up, and my mom was in a room, and my sister had already been born, so that really doesn't count. However, I can say that Amelia never left our room. She was never more than 5 feet from Laura. The midwives did not intervene or, again, touch Laura until after the birth--she barely let them take her temperature. They were completely respectful of our wishes and Laura's desires at the moment. And, again, along the way, each decision was for us to decide. Nothing was left to policy or an insurance company or anyone other than the two of us. I know that there are a million and one reasons to have a birth at a hospital with a doctor and nurses, but for us, we would not have chosen any other way.
It amazes me that this happens so many times a day, all over the world. It was such a feat of strength and determination, the likes of which I doubt I am capable--nor will I ever know because there is nothing comparable.
As many times as I say it, I can't thank the following people enough.
Laura, Debbie, Michelle, Mira and everyone at Alma Birthing Center
Nicole from Moving Through
(If you get here from a google search and are wondering about any of those people or places, please email me, or just know, they're amazing and if you're thinking about using them--DO.)
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Thanks to Caryn and Jason for the great pictures (and yes, that is a picture of the placenta).
AWESOME JAKE! CONGRATULATIONS TO YOU BOTH!!!!!
i've always heard, 'what you put your parents through, your children will put you through.' :o)
Posted by: (tio) Adam | 16 February 2008 at 08:32 AM