We Ride Bikes

Sun is out in Portland

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Originally uploaded by jake_mrtnz

Today was one of those days in Portland, where the sun comes out and everyone comes out of their houses and goes to the park or rides their bikes or whatever. It was awesome. We took Porter to the dogpark and sat in the sun with Amelia. She was awake for most of it.

We ordered a new camera online last week. It should be here this week, and I'm pretty excited. Be prepared for a steady stream of pictures of this little kidlet. I'm gonna be one of those people, you better believe it.

Amelia's Birth Story

For several days last week Laura wasn't sleeping well. She'd wake up every few hours if she slept at all. It was a combination of being uncomfortable and worry, I think.

Thursday night she went to the chiropractor and got adjusted. It's something she'd been doing every week since about her 7th month and it really helped with her discomfort. So I got up early on Friday as usual to get to work, and she got up with me to have some breakfast. We talked about how we both slept really, really well and how good she felt. I was out the door before 7 and she went back to bed.

I went to work and it started as a normal day.

A little after 9 am, I was standing outside the courtroom going through some client files and about to start looking for my clients when my phone rang. It was Laura.

"Jake, I think my water just broke."

I imagined how I would react to this call a thousand times. I'd say something that would be helpful and encouraging, then drop everything and leave in a rush. In reality, I think I may have said something along the lines of, "fer real?"

I suggested one of us call one of the midwives and we'd go from there. Her phone reception is crappy so I called Debbie, the Apprentice Midwife. She's been at more of our appointments than the others, and when we had a problem a week or so ago, we called her. Debbie has been our first call a lot. She asked a few questions, and I gave her answers that I had--which at the time weren't many. I asked if she could call Laura, and warned her that the call may cut out.

Luckily, one of the other law students working at our firm walked up about this time, so I asked if he could take my cases because I had to leave. I told him Laura's water may have broken and I've got to get home, then asked if he would tell our supervising attorneys. The trip back to the office to pick up my stuff and the bus ride were peppered with these occasional moments of staring into space, smiling lost in this pre-baby fantasies of what the next few days held in store for us.

I got home and Debbie had not made it yet. Laura told me about her morning. Long story short, she had to pee really bad, then suddenly felt like she didn't make it to the bathroom. She said she was feeling a few cramps, but nothing that might be called a contraction.

Debbie showed up a little time later, and determined that it was amniotic fluid. She checked Laura's vitals and the baby's and everything seemed fine. She told us to be patient--they've had mothers go as long as 3 or 4 days after the water broke before going into labor. We asked if we should be keeping track of Laura's contractions and when we should leave for the birthing center. Laura and Debbie discussed the difference between cramps and contractions and it turns out she'd had a least a few contractions, but they were sporadic and infrequent. Then she said to leave when you've had a consistent pattern of intense contractions for at least an hour, so intense that you have no choice but to focus on the pain.

Caryn, Laura's sister, had been calling periodically wanting Laura to hang out. We both decided that we didn't want to tell people yet because we didn't want to worry or excite people if we were still a day away from baby time. That being said, we caved pretty quickly for Caryn and she came right over.

By now it's after 12:00pm. It was an absolutely beautiful day, so the three of us took Porter for a walk and had to walk at a snail's pace for Laura's sake. That pace grew drastically slower over the course of the walk. After a while, Caryn went home and Laura, Porter and I headed home. On our way home we had to stop every 2 minutes for Laura to get through another painful contraction. We got home about 1:00pm.

At home, I ran Laura a warm bath and tried to get things ready for us to leave. After the bath, Laura says simply, "It's time to go."

In a couple of the books we read, the authors all describe this moment, and suggest you pay attention to your wife when she says that. (They use the word "wife.") This is one of many things that I not necessarily doubted, but wondered when the time came, if it would actually happen. It did.

We got (some of, eventually we would realize, not all) our stuff and packed up the truck to leave. Understand, Laura drives a 1971 Ford Bronco. It's a sweet ride. I little impractical for the family, but a lot of fun. Anyway, we got in, start it and let it warm up. I put it into gear and it died. I stepped on the clutch to start it again, and the spring on the clutch broke.

It literally just snapped.

The clutch is dangling from somewhere in the belly of the steel beast, and swinging in the passenger compartment doing nothing.

I called a cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Fine, send someone as soon as you can, please."

I call a second cab company. 20-30 minutes. "Nevermind, thanks."

I call Jason. (Caryn's partner.) 15 minutes. "That'd be great, sorry to pull you out of work. Oh, and could you, uh, you know, hurry."

A few minutes later the cab pulls up. We throw our stuff in the trunk and we're finally on our way. It's almost 2:00pm.

Through all of this Laura is doing really well. She's in pain occasionally, and completely blissed out on hormones in between. She's mostly quiet and doesn't want to be touched and is demanding silence from others (me). She was amazing. Her patience and understanding of the situation was incredible and watching her go through each contraction was awe-inspiring. No pain-coping techniques. No breathing. Just Laura deciding, this is what's going to happen and this is how I'm going to do it. Beautiful.

So on our way to the birthing center I talked to Jason, and apologized for getting him out of work for as of yet, nothing and tried to let the midwives know we were on our way - we hadn't told anyone yet. We arrived at Alma (the birthing center) and a couple on the way out wished us luck as we went in.

Because they didn't know we would be there so soon, the room was not prepared for us. Luckily, no other mothers were giving birth and we were able to get our choice of the three birthing rooms. We chose the Lilli room, one because it's the one on the lower level, but also because it's one of the larger and more comfortable rooms.

Of our three midwives, only Michelle was available to help initially. Debbie was on her way back from a dentist appointment, and Laura would be in later. Once in the birthing room, Laura began to undress and went to the restroom. Michelle and Mira, one of the doulas, began preparing the birthing room, including running the tub. Once out of the restroom, Laura got immediately into the tub before it was half full. It was a little after 2:00pm.

Labor progressed pretty quickly from this point on. At some point Debbie and Laura both came in, so our entire birth team was there. I've never seen Laura be so strong and never question her ability to do that which her body was designed to do. Throughout the process the midwives were respectful of her not wanting to be touched. We were whispering amongst ourselves, and they were writing notes, rather than disturb Laura's concentration or interfere with her desire for no interruptions during each contraction. In our birthing classes, we talked about how there comes a point, usually during "transition," where many (maybe even most) women begin to doubt their ability to go through with it. It's during this time that many women will say, "I can't do it." At no point did Laura say this or show any real doubt that she could. It was a sight to see. There was a moment, when she moaned so loudly and so deeply and I felt her "give" in just the slightest way. I don't know what it was, but I just felt this half second of doubt during her deep moan. Michelle must've sensed it too, because she immediately came to her side and began encouraging Laura in the sweetest way.

Her noises became more primal and were coming from deep within. And finally, it was time to begin pushing. As difficult as it was to see the pain Laura was going through, it wasn't until I saw blood that it started to hit home. I moved from in front of Laura, to behind and to the side of her. I tried talking to her periodically, but again, she still didn't want to hear much. Not long after the pushing began, and the midwives motioned for me to come see the head of the baby coming out.

Even now, I am unable to describe the feeling of seeing this baby's head for the first time. Somewhere in the background I heard one of the midwives say, "full crown." I knew from reading that once the baby's head was out, there might be a rest before the shoulders as the baby turns, so once she reached full crown, I thought there might be a second for her to catch her breath.

There wasn't really time. The very next thing I know, the baby is coming entirely out and Debbie literally caught the baby as it came rushing out. It was 3:19pm.

At this point, the baby is put on Laura's chest and I was amazed by how it looked. They tell you it's going to be weird looking, but again, nothing can truly prepare you for how un-baby the baby looks.
Laura sat in the tub, and the baby almost immediately started crying once she was out of the water. We all sat there, smiling, and looking at each other for a minute or two until finally Laura said, "Okay, I have to know, what are you?" It wasn't until then that we found out she was a girl. Evidently, it is at this moment, the moment of, "you're a girl" which Caryn heard from the next room, that Jason took this picture. It's such a great shot.

The pictures in the Flickr series below will sum up the next hour or so.

After Jason and Caryn left, the three of us stayed at the birthing center. A doula stayed with us and helped Laura, and saw to it that we didn't want for anything. It was amazing. They brought us dinner (and breakfast the next day) from nearby restaurants. She helped with breastfeeding and changing and general advice and information. She brought us drinks and checked on us and the baby every couple of hours, without hovering or being intrusive.

I think most people are curious as to how our experience went with the midwives, the birthing center and having a doula there to support us in the time afterward. Granted, my only experience with a hospital birth was the birth of my sister years ago. I showed up, and my mom was in a room, and my sister had already been born, so that really doesn't count. However, I can say that Amelia never left our room. She was never more than 5 feet from Laura. The midwives did not intervene or, again, touch Laura until after the birth--she barely let them take her temperature. They were completely respectful of our wishes and Laura's desires at the moment. And, again, along the way, each decision was for us to decide. Nothing was left to policy or an insurance company or anyone other than the two of us. I know that there are a million and one reasons to have a birth at a hospital with a doctor and nurses, but for us, we would not have chosen any other way.

It amazes me that this happens so many times a day, all over the world. It was such a feat of strength and determination, the likes of which I doubt I am capable--nor will I ever know because there is nothing comparable.

As many times as I say it, I can't thank the following people enough.
Laura, Debbie, Michelle, Mira and everyone at Alma Birthing Center
Nicole from Moving Through

(If you get here from a google search and are wondering about any of those people or places, please email me, or just know, they're amazing and if you're thinking about using them--DO.)
___________________________________
Thanks to Caryn and Jason for the great pictures (and yes, that is a picture of the placenta).

First Video

Amelia Jane

Amelia Jane
Originally uploaded by eyeliam

Our daughter was born January 25, 2008 at 3:19 pm. She was 7 lbs 7 oz and 19 inches long.

This picture was taken by Caryn less than 30 minutes after she was born.

50 States

In 2m 7s

Click here to Play

Hints: Not case sensitive, and if you get it right, you don't have to hit enter.

Via Jack Bog's Blog.

Food.

I'm reading a Q&A with Michael Pollan, the author of The Omnivore's Dilemma and In Defense of Food, and I come across his assessment of the problem with cloning animals for food.

I think the bigger concern with cloned animals is not personal health. It’s what will it take to keep a herd of genetically identical chickens, horses or pigs alive? Sex and variation is what keeps us from getting wiped out by microbes. If everything is genetically identical, one disease can come along and wipe out the entire group. You will need so many antibiotics and so much sanitation to keep a herd of these creatures going. The bigger concern should be antibiotic resistance.

I would go further and say that further centralizing our food distribution would also be detrimental.  So many foods come from the same small processing plants, particularly meat, that it's scary and dangerous. For the whole Q&A go here: An Omnivore Defends Real Food (NYT 1/17/2008).

Pollan also boils down eating well to 7 short words:

Eat food. Not too much. Mostly plants.

Procrastination.

I am still writing a paper for school. Well, at the moment, I'm trying to write a paper. Writing a paper over the break is not fun. However, I start a new job on the 2nd, and I have a new (to me) bike on the very near horizon. And, of course, the baby is due in about a month or so. Due dates are sort of a misnomer. When someone gives you a date, my mind immediately sets that day aside and says, "the baby will be here on this day." But in reality, it's the median for about a 6 week window. I get a little anxious thinking that it's going to be here so soon. Theoretically at least, she could go into labor as soon as mid-January. While it's unlikely to come that soon, it's a possibility.

Okay, I'm going back to the paper. I hope everyone has a safe and happy New Year's Eve. Good luck on your resolutions, if you've made any.

Top ten

So it's that time of year again. Unfortunately my reading has been light this year. In no particular order, the 10 best books I read this past year. I know I'm missing a few, but I can't seem to find the list I started keeping in January so maybe I should change the title of this list to, of the books I can remember reading, these are the 10 best.

• You Can't Win by Jack Black

An almost unbelievable journey through the hobo counterculture and criminal underground. Could very well be in my top ten books of all time. Pick it up. You won't want to put it down.

• Outlaws of America: The Weather Underground and the Politics of Solidarity by Dan Berger

Also a true account, this time examining the Weather Underground from an academic perspective. Dan Berger conducted tons of interviews and has written a wonderful account of the SDS dissolution into the the Weathermen, and the subsequent transformation into the Weather Underground. This one was a gift from Sherbs, and it took some time to get through, but was definitely worth it.

• Conspiracy in the Streets: The Extraordinary Trial of the Chicago Eight by Jon Weiner

This is essentially a transcript of the trial of the 8 people who were tried in connection with the riots outside of the 1968 Democratic National Convention in Chicago. Sidenote: The defendants were represented by NLG attorneys.

• The Wisdom of Crowds by James Surowiecki

This book is incredible. Take a jar full of jelly beans and have 100 people guess how many are in the jar. More often than not, no one will guess the number, and the average will be closer than any one guess alone. This book gives many more examples of this same thing, and tries to explain why and how it can be used to our benefit.

• Gentle Birth, Gentle Mothering: The Wisdom and Science of Gentle Choices in Pregnancy, Birth, and Parenting by Dr. Sarah J. Buckley

Granted, the baby hasn't arrived, but I don't think a book can fully prepare you for pregnancy, childbirth, or parenting. That being said, this book helped us make educated choices for our child and for ourselves. It's a series of previously published articles so it seems repetitive, but overall, I think the information was invaluable.

• Overthrow: America's Century of Regime Change from Hawaii to Iraq by Stephen Kinzer

I can't say enough about this book. On one hand, foreign policy for many, many years never seemed to be partisan. After reading this book, you'll see to a greater degree that the reason foreign policy never seemed partisan is because it was always driven by capitalism and greed. Many of these stories I'd never read, but sadly, didn't surprise me.

• Stonewall by Martin Duberman

While I didn't think this book was written as well as it could've been, I enjoyed that the author was able to give the Gay Rights Movement names, faces and personalities. Duberman tells their stories from childhood to activist. It was interesting to see how the events unfolded to create change. Unfortunately, we're still waging these battles.

• Seven Types of Ambiguity by Elliot Perlman

While in Mexico for spring break we found a lending library of random novels. I borrowed this book and was struck by the way the author changed narrator. The entire first section is told to you, as if you are one of the characters. Then he changes for the second section, and you get a different perspective on the same events, from a different character in a different voice. Luckily, it makes more sense in the book, and I think he pulls it off quite well, in the end.

• The Unofficial Guide to Having a Baby by Ann Douglas

This book gave us a great week by week of what to expect as Laura progressed through the pregnancy. Believe me, there are a lot (no really a LOT) of crappy pregnancy books out there. What to Expect When You're Expecting being at the top. This one was good because it did not assume you would be using a doctor as opposed to a midwife, and gave us other a short explanation of just about everything that could happen. Again, no book can fully prepare you, but this one was nice to have on hand.

• The World Without Us by Alan Weisman

Laura and I are actually in the middle of this one now. The premise is, humans disappear. What happens next? How soon will the cities and homes fall into ruin? Surprisingly quickly, it turns out.

Midwives in Missouri

In Missouri, it's illegal for a pregnant woman to have a midwife to attend the birth. Current legislation that is being debated would change that. My favorite part is that the Missouri State Medical Association and the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists are challenging the legislation. Why? Because they represent the interests of doctors and right now they have the market cornered on births. Granted, I'm sure there are people who are still able to find midwives to attend their births, so ultimately it doesn't affect women who have the luxury of knowing the right people and the ability to pay for whatever kind of care they can afford. I would say the effects of this fall along race and class lines. Mark Graber's book Rethinking Abortion talks about the gray market that would be created if abortion were made illegal. Essentially the ban on abortion would not affect upper class, mostly white women because they would be able to find doctors to perform abortions and law enforcement would turn a blind eye. I envision this is a similar situation in Missouri for midwives. Upper class, mostly white, women are able to find midwives and can afford to pay them out of pocket, whereas women without means would most likely have to rely on insurance, if at all, and the insurance would not cover an illegal midwife.

All women should be able to give birth in a manner of their choosing. It's awfully paternalistic to tell a state full of women they are not allowed to give birth in a particular way because the MSMA and the ACOG says no.

Thanks to Feministing for keeping me up-to-date.

Late nights

The night before last I couldn't sleep. It's not a new condition. For as long as I can remember I've been a night owl. Laura, on the other hand, is usually a pretty early riser. So, like many nights I laid there in bed while she slept. I began to try to clear my head of the coming stress of finals just long enough to nod off. I tossed and turned a bit then stared at the digital clock trying to count the seconds before the minute would change. Finally, I decided to put my hand on Laura's belly and see if I could feel anything.

She was sleeping peacefully, it seemed, and I honestly didn't expect to feel a kick.

Then it happened.

Again.

I lay there in the dark, smiling at this little baby who couldn't hear me or see me or know at all that I was there. I tried to let the baby know I was there by pushing or tapping lightly on Laura's belly. I began to hope that this became something we were able to share together more often--occasionally staying up late with this child. It's a long way off, and I was tired and falling in and out of sleep, but I thought about the times that I've shared with each of my parents that seemed mundane at the time, but ultimately became something special. A long car ride to south Texas or a fishing trip to some place I could never find today--vivid memories that reflect a legacy of giving that which often seems most precious: our time.

I quickly fell asleep to happy memories and thoughts of the future.